


What's the Whole World Warmer.

by Beckon



Category: The Evil Within (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Confessions, F/M, Guilt, Mending love, Post-Game, broken relationship, broken trust, injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 11:31:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5415188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beckon/pseuds/Beckon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His following silence ensured her that she had finally cracked something- that she had finally cracked whatever shield he had put up around himself. He wasn't a fighter; he was a pacifist, a peacekeeper to balance out both her and Sebastian's headstrong ways.</p><p>But he was also tired.</p><p>Tired of running around this topic for so long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 7 Days

A muffled groan escaped her as Kidman slowly woke up to the throbbing pain of her head.

She figured by now she would've been used to it; she had been waking up to headaches and migraines for the past few days now. Ever since the hospital discharged her, it felt as though her head was on some kind timer- one that went off at the same hour every morning. It wasn't the most ideal thing to wake up to, but she had to keep telling herself that it was better than being dead.

Barely though.

Pulling herself out from underneath the heavy comforter, Kidman reluctantly forced herself to her feet and winced at the quick pain that settled into her wounded joints. It was mostly concentrated in her knees and hips; and the pain bounced from one to the other as she shuffled her way across the small bedroom and into the attached bathroom. Her body was still trying to adjust to its weak state, and her legs were unaccustomed still to carrying her weight around again.

Just another hassle of being alive.

Stumbling into the bathroom, she rubbed the back of her hand across her eyes and yawned, before she reluctantly looked into the hanging mirror in front of her.

...

Despite four days in the hospital, and three outside of it, she still looked like utter shit.

The swelling of her left eye had gone down considerably- at least enough for her to keep it open without being bombarded with pain. Her cheekbone wasn't as severely broken as it could've been- or as badly as she thought it was; she didn't need surgery on it, and the doctor assured her that it would heal on its own. It was still odd to look at though, and she tried to use her limp bangs to cover it.

She had hairline fractures all over her body it seemed- although, luckily, no severe breaks.

The reporting officers and the around-the-clock nurses had expressed their suspicions and concerns about some of her injuries- namely the bruises around her neck and the broken blood vessels under her eyes. There was little that could be done for the minor injuries though, and it wasn't like she had any serious side-effects from the attempted asphyxiation.

And it wasn't like blame could be pinned on someone else...

She, Sebastian and Joseph all had the same bruised patterns.

The skin was still sensitive to the touch, and didn't appear to be fading in the slightest. She wouldn't be surprised if it just... never left; if it remained as some kind of phantom bruise that would never heal.

Sighing, Kidman turned on the sink and cupped the running water in her hands before she lightly splashed herself with it- trying to get rid of the last bit of sleep that still blurred the corners of her vision. Drying herself off with a nearby hand towel, she grabbed the small bag that had been stuffed behind the faucet and shuffled her way through the multitude of pill bottles inside.

...

Christ though, she had medicine and painkillers for months.

After the shit storm that happened at Beacon... she wasn't really surprised to find herself looking at medication bottles. No one really knew what had happened at Beacon- not only to just them, but to everyone inside of it. There was no trace of anyone having committed the murders- no evidence on any of the victims or in any of the rooms. The police were still searching and scoping through the entire asylum, but... there was nothing for them to find.

The place had already been picked over.

...

The responding SWAT team found their cruiser wrecked out front- and then found the three of them inside, barely awake and pulling themselves out of the experimentation tubs. They were all delusional and incoherent; their bodies bloodied and broken from their squad car crashing into the fountain in front of Beacon.

They had gone a little over half an hour without treatment, and open wounds had turned the water in the tubs red with blood.

Nothing really made sense to those who weren't intentionally involved.

The out of town Detectives who were called in hypothesized that someone must've been lying in wait for them- anticipating their arrival at Beacon. And that someone, or more accurately the group involved with this mess, had ambushed them on arrival; and, in panic, had forced their car into the front fountain- subsequently knocking all of them out at once.

The real motive behind all of this was unknown, but the assailant then dragged them into the basement of Beacon and left them there- hooked up to some kind dismantled and gutted machine.

It was all bullshit and she knew it, but... she let them play their games with it.

After all, these new Detectives had apparently found evidence to support their theories- which were the only thing they could be called at the moment. Between her, Sebastian and Joseph, none of them remembered anything from the crash. Or at least, nothing that they were going to give away that would have them deemed mentally unstable.

...

Connolly lost control of the car when Jimenez activated the wireless STEM command.

To the three of them, they simply arrived at Beacon, got out of the squad car, and started their investigation.

In reality, they lost consciousness the moment STEM went online, and had to be dragged inside by the on-site Mobius workers.

But... it's not like anyone else would know that.

Sighing once again, Kidman took the medication she needed and tried not to think of how badly things had turned out for all of them. In the back of her head, she could practically hear herself screaming and telling herself to get out while she still could- at least before everyone found it.

Because everyone would eventually find out, right? Nothing remained secret forever...

She needed to get out of here and far away before the news hunted her down... before these new Detectives crucified her for her involvement.

But... it just wasn't that easy.

Sure, she could pack up her things, walk out the door and never be heard from again- that was the easy way to go. Mobius could make someone like her disappear, and she knew that soon enough they would ask her to. They would ask her to pick up her things, and rejoin them; after all, despite the mess, she had completed her assignment. She came through with flying colors for all they knew.

They got what they wanted- all thanks to her.

Mobius couldn't risk letting her go.

But they left her behind for now to... ease the story. It would be too messy for the KCPD to deal with a missing Detective on top of already losing thirteen officers to the Beacon massacre. They didn't want people to panic and go looking for her; the news coverage alone would be an annoyance for them.

So... she stayed.

And in a few months' time, Mobius would call her to come back; and she would.

She'd make up some kind of bullshit story that she couldn't deal with the stress of what had happened, and resign- stating that it would be for her own good. And then she would 'move away' and simply never be heard from again. It would be... the right thing to do in this kind of situation; it would provide closure in a sense for all of those involved, and no one would go looking for her. No one would miss her.

...

It would be easier for her to run.

But Sebastian and Joseph... they still needed her- or at least she told herself that they did.

... Maybe it was her who needed them...

Running her fingers through her messy hair, Kidman somewhat brushed it back into place before she tugged on the loose-fitted shirt she had slept in. It was a poor job of making herself seem more presentable, but... it was still useless. It wasn't like anyone would see her- at least, no one important. And why the fuck would she care anyways? She just survived a fairly harrowing experience, she deserved her off days.

Stepping back into the bedroom, she paused just long enough to look over the orderly decor of it- although she had seen it plenty of times before. And it wasn't really surprising that Joseph would keep his bedroom in such pristine condition- everything had its place he ensured that.

... She still couldn't believe that after everything that had happened between them, he still insisted that she sleep in his room for the time being.

They were all reluctant to admit that they felt safer being around one another; they had tried to stay in their separate houses for the first few nights, but... the paranoia and night terrors got to them. Joseph offered for them to stay at his place since it was the closest to the KCPD, and the hospital, so that if something went wrong... they wouldn't have to wait long.

She had a feeling Joseph only offered because her apartment would be too small, and... he didn't want Sebastian staying alone in his house, surrounded by all those bad memories- especially not after the hurt STEM had put him through.

So... they ended up here.

She slept in the master bedroom, Sebastian stayed in the guest room, and Joseph had a temporary bed put in his office. They both objected to the initial arrangement, but Joseph insisted on it; Kidman had a feeling it was so that he could work late into the night without them knowing.

Stepping out of the master bedroom, she pulled the door closed behind her and noted that the rest of the house was quiet.

It wasn't really surprising; she doubted either of them were awake yet.

They were both on some pretty heavy medication to treat their injuries, both the real and nonexistent ones. Sebastian had a pretty nasty skull fracture that had started between his eyes and moved back over the top of his cranium- a result from hitting the dashboard as hard as he did.

Or from getting smashed with the Keeper's hammer.

Either or.

Rubbing the back of her neck, Kidman turned her attention the nearest clock on the wall, and noted that she had slept well past her usual morning hour. Hell, it was after noon already, a drastic change from her half-past seven routine.

She couldn't really blame herself though- it still felt like she didn't get enough sleep.

Walking through the short, connecting hallway, she stepped out into the living room and stopped once again. How Joseph managed to keep his house in such an orderly, clean fashion was beyond her. Some days it felt like she could barely do the upkeep on her apartment- not that she really had all that much in it to begin with. But still. This man worked full shifts, sometimes overtime, and there wasn't a single thing out of place.

Even after everything that had happened with Beacon... she could still tell that he had picked up recently.

Maybe it was just some desperate bid to bring back a sense of normalcy to his life.

After all, there were worst things he could be doing to cope.

Kidman started towards the kitchen, knowing coffee wouldn't help her headache, but still wanting it anyways. Coffee had been a pretty constant staple ever since she joined the KCPD in the first place- but now it just felt like an addiction. And it was one all three of them shared. Despite the doctors advising that they keep caffeine out of their diets for now, they typically always had a pot brewing throughout the day.

... It was like being back at the department some times, like nothing had ever changed to begin with.

She stopped halfway to the kitchen as she noticed someone sitting outside on the terrace attached to the small dining area. And while she didn't have to guess who it was... she found herself unsure if she wanted to talk to him alone just yet. Sebastian was usually present and she used him as a sort of buffer; when the Lead Detective was around, it was easy to forget... past convictions.

...

Joseph had insisted that he didn't harbor any ill feelings towards her, but... he hadn't exactly been very talkative with her either. She knew something was scratching at him, but he wasn't willing to discuss it with her just yet- which was well within his right to do.

She couldn't blame him for being angry- hell she was surprised he was being as lenient with her as he was. Most people probably would've wanted her dead, which is what she assumed would've been their reactions when they all woke up in the hospital. But... instead, she was informed by the nurses that both Sebastian and Joseph were constantly asking about her- asking if she was okay, or if anything serious had happened.

...

All of it made her sick to her stomach.

She wasn't anticipating worry, or concern, and... she sure as hell didn't know how to react to it.

Years of stunted emotional development left her still learning basic reactions and responses.

...

Still, she couldn't just stand here and pretend that none of it had happened, and that they should just go back to acting normal again. She couldn't keep trying to ignore it for her own sake- she needed to speak with him.

Giving off a silent groan, Kidman forced herself across the well-maintained living room, through the dining area and quietly stepped out into the cool breeze outside. It had been raining on and off again for the past few days, which left the usual Krimson City chill in the air. It wasn't overbearing in the least, but... it made her wish she had worn something a little thicker than her sleeping shirt and gym shorts.

She didn't try to hide the bruises and cuts that were exposed on her bare arms and legs for now; although she normally covered them up under a pair of jeans and a jacket when she went out. To her, they still needed to breathe and heal on their own.

Standing out on the small porch though, with little to no view of the neighbors, still left her feeling vulnerable.

...

She should've announced herself, at least for his sake, but she had a feeling that he already knew she was there.

So, wordlessly, she took the empty chair next to him.

Joseph sipped at his coffee, and barely even acknowledged her.

It was... odd to see him dressed so casually for once. In all the months they had worked together, on and off hours, she couldn't be certain she had ever really seen him outside of his uniform. A few times he had loosened his tie, or removed his vest, but that was usually the extent of it.

And although he was only wearing a pair of black lounge pants with a loose-fitting white shirt, which wasn't really that far off from his normal attire... it was still different. It was out of the norm for him.

Although she couldn't help but to notice that he kept his gloves on, which, while odd, didn't surprise her.

His left shoulder had been completely dislocated during the crash, and the resulting damages were bad enough to require surgery to fix. Hence why he was wearing a loose shirt, as opposed to his normally fitted ones. He had a mess of staples in place from the surgery and had been advised to avoid as much physical contact with them as he could. Even the bandages that kept his shoulder in place were kept loose to avoid irritating them.

And even from where she was sitting, she could see the thick line of stitches that covered his lower lip- they were a little more apparent than she remembered. He had smashed into the back of the passenger seat pretty hard, despite wearing a seatbelt.

Or maybe that was from the butt of an axe handle catching him hard across the face, fracturing his jaw as well.

Who knows.

"Did you sleep well?" Joseph finally asked, breaking the cold silence between them.

Even then, she had a feeling that he felt obligated to speak to her- he probably felt that it would be rude for a host to ignore one of his guests.

"No," Kidman answered. "Did you?"

"... No."

It felt impossible for their sleep cycles to ever return to normal again.

For now, it felt like they spent more time fearing sleep than anything else. Sure, she had a few prescribed sleep aids, courtesy of a worried doctor, but... she hadn't convinced herself to take them just yet. She didn't want to be locked into a subconscious state right now- especially not after Beacon, not after witnessing the horrors of what a subconscious mind could do to them.

"Feeling any better?" she asked, deciding it best to keep the small conversation going for now. It was... progress, in a loose sense, for the both of them in the long run.

Joseph didn't immediately answer, which was probably a good thing considering.

"Yeah, not by much though."

"Me either," Kidman replied, pausing for only a brief moment, before she continued, "... how's your eye?"

His glasses had gotten pretty shattered in the wreck, although not as badly as she thought they would've been. Still, a small piece of the broken lens had gotten embedded in his right eye- and it didn't help that the resulting head trauma had caused a build up of blood and pressure behind it. It was a mild case, thankfully, but the sight of the medical patch taped over his eye always made her feel like it was worse.

Like he wasn't telling her the whole story- not that he would have any reason to lie to her about it.

Joseph pushed himself to his feet, not even sparing a look at her. "Hopefully healing. My vision isn't impaired- or at least not any worse than it usually is. The doctor wasn't too worried about it; he just insisted that I keep it covered for a day or so more." He stepped around his chair and started back into the house, giving only a slight pause in the doorway. "There's fresh coffee in the kitchen if you want it."

"Now that's the offer I was looking forward to," Kidman mused, as she pushed herself up and followed him inside.

The pain in her joints was still there, despite her taking the proper medication to ease it away. But hell, after everything she had gone through, she could deal with it; she probably deserved it considering she had made the stupid decision to wear heels that day.

Following him into the kitchen, Kidman watched as Joseph poured himself a fresh cup, before he grabbed an extra mug from the cabinet above him- filling it as well. He turned and handed it off to her, before he leaned back against the counter; despite having been given a sling to support his shoulder, he wasn't currently wearing it. He wasn't one to disobey the doctor's orders, so she marked it up as him waiting to put it on after his morning shower.

...

But as he stood across from her, probably warming up from having sat outside for so long, she couldn't help but notice something. It was hard to deny that he could be very expressive at sometimes, whether he realized it or not; it wasn't normally spoken reactions, but... certain forms of body language. Like the subtle hint of slack in his features, which were usually held tense- depending on the situation. His mind never stopped going as far as she was concerned; he was always in some kind of thought process, some kind of continuous loop that kept him looking as though he was concentrating on something that wasn't there.

There was none of that this time.

And that told her what she needed to know.

"You haven't spoken to me much since you were discharged," Kidman started, as she leaned back against the small kitchen table behind her. "It's understandable, and maybe it's not my place to speak, but if there's something you want to say to me, then say it."

He didn't reply at first.

Hell, he barely even looked at her.

But when he set his cup onto the counter behind him, she knew he was about to start something... that this was either going to be a new beginning, or a crushing end. She tried not to let herself get her hopes up either.

"You're right, I should've been honest with you," Joseph spoke, as he briefly crossed his arms over his chest while he seemed to be thinking of where exactly to start. "I had my brain scanned when we were first admitted to the hospital- a precaution that we all had to deal with, and rightfully so. The paramedics already figured I had a concussion, so they wanted to scan first for any additional damages since I wasn't exactly in any rush to die on them. And, while they found the concussion... do you want to know what they found?"

Kidman stiffened slightly at the question, already knowing she wasn't going to like the answer.

Sure, they did all have their heads scanned- and at worst was the steep, skull fracture that Sebastian had. All she had was a hairline fracture at the base of her skull; the doctors had accounted it to her being flung forward and then rapidly snapped back during the crash. In fact, they were surprised that her skull didn't detach completely at the force. Or that she didn't suffer from an extreme case of whiplash.

"What?" she reluctantly pressed.

"They said that I was brain dead," he answered, before he reached up and removed his glasses; one hand moving to pinch the bridge of his nose. "They almost gave up on me right there, but... they didn't; the staff on hand said I was too responsive to be brain dead, so they scanned again. That time, the scan showed up normal- but just barely. It was enough for them to continue on with treatment. I woke up six hours later, and nearly scared the life out of the nurse in my room. So they scanned a third time, and... everything came out normal with that one. The staff couldn't explain it, and eventually marked it up that the technician must've done something wrong, or maybe the system just glitched- they didn't know. After that, it just never came up again."

Kidman curled her fingers in against the coffee cup in her hands, using it to try and stop them from shaking.

"You never told us that," she whispered.

"I didn't want the two of you to worry," Joseph started, as he slowly repositioned his glasses. "We had enough to deal with as it was... a seemingly misprinted brain scan only felt like an added nuisance. The reason I'm telling you this though is... is because if you die in STEM, you die in reality too, right? That's what happened to Connolly and Dr. Jimenez. And that almost happened to me."

...

He had been so close to death so many times.

Too many times to be comfortable with.

They all had been, but they just didn't know the extent of it at first. They didn't even know it was STEM to begin with, and they didn't know that if they died in it, they wouldn't just disconnect and wake up from the big machine. No. They would die in both physical and mental forms- completely detached from one another.

...

She could still see the blood shooting out of his side from the sniper on the rooftop.

Blood pooling out through his fingers and onto the bus seat- dripping fast to the floorboards below.

It was a non-fatal hit, thankfully, but... it crippled him; it gave him a new weakness that could be exploited by STEM. Even now, Kidman wasn't sure how Joseph had made it to that playground after having been separated from Sebastian. She didn't want to imagine him having to work his way past Haunted and whatever else was around him, knowing that he couldn't risk starting a fight- knowing that he wouldn't survive one.

And then there was the blood rupturing out of his shoulder- the bullet probably fucking with arteries and nerves.

He had hit the ground hard, knocking the air out of him, as one hand numbly grabbed at yet another bullet wound.

And once more, he was forced to fend for himself; he was forced to soak up the pain and continue... although even now, Kidman wasn't certain if he ever moved from the place he landed. But he had to have, right? The noise would've drawn the Haunted to them, and with her escape and Sebastian's disappearance... the Haunted would've ripped him apart.

But they didn't.

Because they never found him.

...

"I know I said that it didn't matter to me because you can't stop a bullet- and it seemed easy to forgive you for shooting me..." Joseph started once more, his voice sounding strained when he spoke. "But in that same scenario, you didn't just shoot me; you almost killed me."

The accusation was hard to stomach, but it was true.

She deserved to hear that from him.

And as mad as he deserved to be at her... he chose not to show it; it was almost like he was going out of his way to avoid doing so. And doing that much couldn't have been easy to do- not when he knew everything that he did.

When he knew everything that she did...

But the stiffness nervousness in his hands and jaw told her that that wasn't where all of this ended.

There was more.

"And?" Kidman pressed.

Joseph hesitated this time- which wasn't a good sign as far as she was concerned. But it wasn't so much as being caught off-guard by her question, but rather... he seemed to be struggling on how to answer it; it was like the words just weren't coming to him no matter how hard he tried.

Still...

She had an idea of what was bothering him, only because it was bothering her as well.

It made her stomach drop the more she thought about it, but... it was bound to come up sooner or later- and they were only hurting themselves by continuously pushing it off like this.

"Is this about... our 'relationship' before?" Kidman questioned.

...

He didn't look surprised.

"Yes," Joseph answered flatly. "It's not entirely easy to go from thinking you know someone to... realizing you only knew what they wanted you to know. And half of that was just one, big constructed lie. It's hard to think back on everything I knew before and realize that... it all ends with you shooting and killing me in some fucked up, make believe world. I know it was not your intention, and I believe everything you told us, but..."

Kidman continued to be surprised at how lenient he was being with her- and it didn't seem like he was forcing himself to be.

He had every right to be upset about what had happened, about how she had fooled all of them, but he made himself step back. He made himself look at the bigger picture here; he made himself come to realize that she had been abused and manipulated just the same. She was no better than the abuse victims he had dedicated his life to helping and protecting.

She was a victim of a system that fucked them all over.

That didn't make her innocent though- it didn't magically erase her wrongdoings and sins, but... it made it easier for him to look past them. For now anyways.

Never in a hundred years would she imagine purposely hurting him by pulling the trigger.

"You betrayed me trust," he finished, "that's it."

No it wasn't.

"Is it though?" Kidman pressed once more. She didn't want to hurt him further, or give him any additional stress, but this hurdle had to be taken care of. There was no more beating around the bush, and awkwardly trying to avoid being alone with one another. All of this ended here. "You think I treated you like something I could use for my own benefit and then toss away later."

"No," Joseph almost immediately corrected, "you treated me like someone you enjoyed being with- like someone you wanted to make a difference with. But... I guess I read into that wrong; I set myself up for this, so I don't know why I still feel like shit about it."

"That's not true."

...

His following silence ensured her that she had finally cracked something- that she had finally cracked whatever shield he had put up around himself. He wasn't a fighter; he was a pacifist, a peacekeeper to balance out both her and Sebastian's headstrong ways.

But he was also tired.

Tired of running around this topic for so long.

He briefly curled his fingers against the edge of the countertop, while she braced herself for whatever would come out of him next.

"I was in love you," Joseph finally admitted, and the words sounded like mortar shells going off inside of the small kitchen. "We had a rocky start, but... God, you drove me crazy. I didn't think it was possible to fall so irrationally in love with someone so quickly. I worked around Sebastian and Myra for most of their relationship, and it was seven years of seeing the most intense love ever created. And I didn't think something like that could ever be recreated- I didn't think I would ever witness anything amount to even just a fraction of that. But... I did; I just didn't realize that I was living it."

It felt like everything inside of her rolled over.

He had... he was never the emotionally-spoken one, at least he never seemed fully comfortable doing so.

The few times he had ever opened up like that, ever willing to expose such a sensitive nature, had always been early in the mornings; it had always been when he thought she was asleep, or at least too drowsy to remember anything he said. They'd come back from a late shift, collapse on his couch and tiredly laugh at how they were too exhausted to change out of their uniforms.

She'd have her head on his chest and his fingers in her hair as they tried to catch a few hours of sleep before work started all over again.

And he would whisper things while half-asleep, telling her of how he could get used to this, how he could get used to her staying with him- maybe even living with him if the opportunity ever graced them.

And rationale thought told her not to go for it.

But she did.

She was weak, and so was he. And neither of them could fight it.

...

"The unbelievable part of all of this is... despite everything, I'm still in love with you."

Her hands shook at the words; her cup of now lukewarm coffee threatened to spill all over her.

Kidman half-expected him to walk off when he was through- that just, it just seemed like the natural reaction to do. That's how scenes like this always played out. But... he didn't. He stayed and she knew, if anything, he wanted a response.

He wanted to know if she had anything to say, anything to contribute or rebuttal.

... And she wasn't sure if she did.

Nothing she said would make this situation better.

She couldn't apologize and hope that it would make everything better- it would hardly even scrape the surface of this situation. It wouldn't amount to anything, even if the thought was there, and she truly, honestly meant it. Saying sorry wouldn't turn the clock back and make this whole thing avoidable; it wouldn't erase the nightmares, or make the pain in their heads go away.

...

It wouldn't bring back Connolly.

...

She couldn't even risk telling him her feelings in return- it would only make things worse; it would sound like an excuse, it would sound like she had taken advantage of him. A person wouldn't do what she did to someone that they loved.

But she... she loved him, didn't she?

She was just as equally in love with him as he was with her.

But things would be easier if... if she didn't.

Her growing silence only seemed to upset him, but he hid the pain well enough- not enough to hide, but... close. "It's fine," Joseph whispered, as he picked up his cup and walked past her out of the kitchen.

Kidman waited until he was out of sight and until she was certain he couldn't hear her. Her entire body was in knots, and she felt her stomach twisting back and forth- making the coffee in front of her almost nauseating. Sighing, she walked over and dumped it down the sink before she pushed her fingers through her hair- holding the limp strands back and out of her face.

"... I'm so sorry."


	2. 14 Days.

It was raining again- which didn't surprise her really.

It felt like Krimson City was always raining, like the city itself was always in this... shitty mood and had to make everyone else suffer with it.

Kidman would've liked to have run the distance from her car to the front door to avoid as much rain as possible, but her body just wasn't feeling it. Instead, she dealt with the slick coating of rain sliding off of her jacket as she made the slow walk to the barely lit house. It was bitter cold, and rain had already found an opening down the front of her jacket; she could feel the freezing water running down her neck and soaking her shirt.

Still... it was little motivation to get her moving faster.

And there was hardly any sense of relief when she did make it to the door.

Shouldering it open, Kidman stepped inside and blindly closed the door behind her, before she felt her body slump back against it- letting it support her dead weight. Fingers fumbled to get the locks in place, before they moved to rub at her grinding temples.

...

It felt like her mind and body were operating on different cycles- almost on different planes entirely.

Almost as though the two didn't wire up properly after she was disconnected from STEM.

And the worst part of it was that she had absolutely no control over the feeling. It felt like there was this... constant white noise that kept kept buzzing in the back of her head- making it impossible for her to concentrate on anything, let alone hold a single thought in place.

It forced her to take the rest of the night off.

... Not that she was really scheduled to go in in the first place.

It had been two weeks now since Beacon, and... due to the ongoing investigation, and the extent of her injuries, she still had the month off. And even that was just a start- it would all depend on how she was feeling, and how well she had healed once the month was up; the doctor could potentially write her another note for a leave of absence from work.

But she just... she couldn't sit around and do nothing.

Sure, it was nice to finally catch up on some sleep, and not feel guilty for sleeping through a majority of the day, but it just wasn't in her anymore.

She found herself getting restless- too restless to sleep most nights now.

...

The department agreed that as long as she didn't get in the other Detectives' ways, or try to get involved in their investigation, she could work at the office. It wasn't like there was much for her to do there, but even just cleaning up the evidence room was something.

It was a distraction that she so desperately needed.

And it was... odd to walk into the KCPD and know that it wasn't going to be like the normal days. It was odd that she actually missed the mornings where she was barely at her desk before Sebastian and Joseph hauled her off to another crime scene. They had been so frustrating before, but now... now she missed that sense of normalcy.

She missed walking into the office and knowing that Joseph hadn't gone home the night before, that he had never left his office in the first place; she missed calling him out on his bullshit about coming in earlier than expected when everyone else simply believed him.

She missed the long rides out to the crime scenes- the ones that were either filled with frustrated silence, or half-assed conversations where they tried to pick apart what little information they had this time around. Or the half-assed suggestions to just leave the city and abandoned the cases all together.

...

She missed Connolly.

It had been surprising to see the amount of people who welcomed her back to the KCPD- the amount of support they tried to shower her with. A lot of the officers had sent her flowers and baskets when she was in the hospital, and even then their show of concern had been hard to swallow.

But walking past Connolly's old desk, and seeing how it had been decorated with flowers and cards... that had been even harder to deal with.

They were all still in the hospital when Connolly was buried; the whole department had showed up for it. It felt like they missed their chance at closure- especially Sebastian, who regretfully told them how he had to put Connolly down while they were in STEM.

She remembered the ambulance ride.

She remembered watching and seeing him turn... but it was only when she encountered him later in the forest did she know that it was too late. What Sebastian did to him, did for him, was a show of mercy. And it was much easier to accept the situation when she thought of it that way.

Still...

She never foresaw herself still being here, still being surrounded by everyone.

She figured she would've been long gone by now- either by Mobius' request, or by her own guilt pushing her away. She figured she would've wanted to run the first chance she got- the first chance she could physically move without the threat of passing out from pain and exhaustion.

But the feeling never came.

If anything, the reverse happened: she simply didn't want to leave.

She knew she would have to eventually, it was only inevitable, but... she needed to make sure that Sebastian and Joseph would be okay first- that they could function without her. And there were no doubts that the two were expecting her eventual departure anyways. She just... she just hoped that they wouldn't try and stop it; that they wouldn't try to stop her from leaving.

Mobius had shown them a rare feat of mercy by allowing the two of them to live and escape.

As selfish as it was, she hoped that they wouldn't throw it away on her.

She couldn't ask them to drop their investigation on both Beacon and Mobius- she knew that they had already started on it despite the department's request; she just pretended not to notice them sneaking around.

She couldn't ask them to just up and forget about everything that had happened at Beacon- that was too much to ask, and it would be too selfish of her. It wasn't like they could just go back to their normal lives and act like everything was okay again; any sense of normalcy for them was dead now.

The only thing she could ask was that they didn't come after her when this was over with and long passed.

...

And maybe, if she got lucky, the thought of doing such a thing had never crossed their minds.

Rubbing at her tired eyes, Kidman slipped off her dripping jacket and attempted to throw it onto the coat rack nearby- only to miss terribly. It was almost one in the morning, she had taken God knows how much medication a few hours before, and she was wet from the rain... that was her excuse for having such poor aim.

She slowly made her way through the living room and tried to keep as quiet as possible; she had retired heels for the time being, or maybe forever, so she didn't have to worry about her shoes making too much noise. But the floorboards still creaked from time to time, and while she was fairly positive that there was no chance the other two could hear them, she was still careful with the risk.

Sebastian had worked with her earlier in the day, but had retired hours before she did. He had complained about a migraine and she insisted that he go back home to rest- his still-healing fracture didn't need to be stressed with work anyways. Being the stubborn man he was though, he still put in two more hours of work before he finally gave up and left. It was a small testament to his level of dedication on the case.

Joseph had opted not to go into the office, which had surprised her at first- before she realized that he could still work from home. There was really no need for him to even leave his house since he had server commands to log into the department's database from his home office. He could keep to his quiet, isolated environment and still get more work accomplished than her and Sebastian combined.

...

The faint hope of sneaking back into her bedroom without causing a disturbance was dashed when Kidman noticed Joseph sitting in the small dining area. Except he wasn't sitting in a chair, or on another piece of furniture, but rather... he was sitting on the floor and leaning back against the wall behind him. He had a coffee cup in both hands, which, as sad as it was, was a universal sign now that the issue wasn't that he couldn't get to sleep, but rather something was keeping him awake.

Which wasn't good.

Sighing, Kidman abandoned her lost cause and instead walked over and slowly sat down next to him.

Joseph didn't say anything at first, and neither did she- Hell, she wasn't certain if he even knew she was right next to him.

"Bad night?" she asked, deciding it would be better to just break the silence now rather than let it fester and linger between them. Two weeks time and... they still had very little to say to each other- a notion that she figured she only had herself to blame for.

"Yeah," he answered simply enough, before he took a short sip from his cup. It was coffee thankfully- she could smell the aroma drifting from it; and judging from the light being on in the kitchen, it was still fresh too. "You left your shoes on."

Kidman frowned at the oddity of the statement, before she glanced down and realized that he was right.

Joseph wasn't picky about people walking around his house with their shoes on, and assured everyone that it was just a cultural thing he grew up with. But... she was a long-term guest in his house, and she figured the very least she could do was take her shoes off when she came inside. She had hijacked his own bedroom after all, and she might've also broken the coffee machine once or twice before.

Reaching down, she plucked each shoe off and tossed it aside- hoping she would remember to pick them up later.

She also came to the realization that she had tracked water through his living room, which... hopefully she'd remember to clean up as well.

"How was work?"

It was almost funny to think how that question used to feel so normal to answer.

"Same old, same old," Kidman replied with a light shrug, doing her best to make it feel normal again. "The new Detectives have made a mess of our office though- I blew up on one of them for spilling his coffee on the couch; he was a real dick about it too." she heard Joseph give a brief chuckle in response, and smiled lightly at the sound of it; it was good to hear again. "Also they keep crashing our servers because they don't know how to operate them."

"That explains the shitty connection I've had all day then," Joseph remarked.

"That could've also been me unplugging the wireless routers throughout the day."

He gave another short, quiet laugh and went back to drinking his coffee.

It felt a little good to know that she was doing something to ease him back into feeling human again- no matter how little of an action it was.

"... Any issues?"

Kidman felt a brief swell in her chest at the genuine concern in his tone- she almost hated that she found comfort in it. Of the three of them, she always figured he'd be the worst one off, and in some ways he was, but... he tried not to show it. He used his concern for both her and Sebastian to pull himself through the nightmares.

"I caught someone's headlights on the way back," she started, before she slumped further down against the wall, and propped her arms onto her bent knees. "I thought I was okay at first, but... you wouldn't believe how fast I had to pull over so I didn't crash. It just- it felt like I was going to have a panic attack, but I ended up sitting on the side of the road for a good ten minutes shaking. I kept expecting to hear... something coming after me, but in the end, it was just the radio and some people fighting in the nearby parking lot."

...

He didn't see the same things she did- and for that, she was grateful.

They all saw their own versions of grotesque nightmares in STEM, and those were images they never wanted to see again- images they never wanted to share. She was certain that there were things that only he saw, that only he experienced; and he would rather die than think that one of them had seen the same things.

...

He didn't directly know about the Light Woman- the hideous, makeshift creature who had made it a game to chase her around.

But he knew of her- and that was all he needed to know.

"At least you made it home okay."

Kidman tried not to nitpick on the fact that Joseph had announced it simply as home, rather than saying his home. It could've just been a slip of the tongue... although he had been referring to it as such for awhile now- whether he knew about it or not.

Even when Sebastian had called him earlier to check in, he had reassured him that they would both be 'home' soon.

... Was it that easy for them?

That easy to just... settle in?

No, Kidman figured to just give it time, give their injuries a chance to fully heal and they would be back to their normal routines soon enough. They would be back to going to their respective homes separately, and be back to only seeing one another at the office.

...

It all felt hard to believe now though- especially since they were all so depended on each other.

"What about you?" Kidman finally asked, as she looked over to him; she noted that the supporting brace he had for his shoulder was partly sticking out from underneath his loosely-buttoned shirt.

"I just worked from my office all day," Joseph shrugged, "I didn't get much done, but... it was better than sitting around."

She could already tell that he didn't want to talk about what had really happened- and she didn't dare press him on it.

Whatever it was that was haunting him now... had probably been doing so for most of the day.

Maybe he was hoping he could physically exhaust himself to the point of passing out just to avoid the inevitable nightmares that would soon follow.

"If you go back to the office again any time soon, tell whoever it is that keeps changing my files to stop."

Kidman snorted slightly before she heard herself break into a soft laugh- a little surprised at how easily it seemed to come to her. She blamed her reaction on the faint annoyance in his voice and the lingering hint of the frustrations he had to deal with throughout the day. It just felt so... normal; for a moment, she was able to forget that this wasn't just another day at work, and that he wasn't just annoyed that someone had dirtied up his work.

"It's a good thing I have them all backed up, but still... I shouldn't have to deal with someone messing around with my filing system," Joseph finished.

"I'll be sure to let them know," she assured- still quietly laughing to herself.

The subtle laughter seemed contagious and it didn't take long before he joined in with her- if only for a short period of time.

"Thank you," he replied, before he took another sip from his cup. "There's fresh coffee in the kitchen again."

"I hope it's better than the sludge they served at work this morning," Kidman spoke; and although she didn't feel like getting up, or even feel like she had the strength to, she still couldn't pass up the offer. She had dealt with disappointing cup after cup at work... she could go for a decent brew for once. Placing her hands against the wall behind her, she pushed herself to her feet and briefly pulled into a stretch; her body was still aching like a bitch, but it was better than it had been before. She started towards the kitchen, before she stopped and turned back to him. "Want me to top you?"

Joseph handed her his cup.

And she was well into the kitchen before the words came back to her.

...

Kidman gave a hard sigh and silently hoped her face wasn't as red as it felt; she could feel the heat burning at her cheeks now. It was just a... slip of the tongue, an innocent combination of words on her end, and yet... part of her immaturely felt like she wanted to die. Or maybe escape out the side door, or through a window.

Grabbing a new cup for herself, Kidman poured in some coffee, before she re-filled his half-empty cup as well.

... On second thought, maybe she shouldn't have the caffeine.

Maybe she should just take one of those sleeping pills and hope for the best instead.

Taking a deep breath, she braced herself as she carried the cups back into the dining area- hoping maybe she could pass off her previous statement as a side effect of work fatigue.

...

Kidman paused slightly as she noticed that Joseph now had his hands covering his face, and could only assume that the awkwardly worded phrase had hit him as well. It didn't make her feel any better about it either.

"Don't," she warned, as she handed his cup back to him and sat back down, "- just don't say anything."

And he didn't at first, which she thought was out of respect.

... But she realized pretty quickly that it wasn't.

He was just making an effort not to laugh at her- and was failing pretty horribly at it.

Kidman frowned and dug her elbow into his ribs, listening to him snort slightly before he eventually gave up on the charade. Again, it was good to hear him laugh again- good to see that some spark of life was still alive inside of him. That he wasn't as dead as he might've believed himself to be. And as much as she hated it... she could hear herself starting to laugh again too. "I hate you."

"I didn't do anything," Joseph objected, as he removed his glasses and rubbed at his eyes- still laughing to himself as he did so. "You brought that upon yourself."

"I know, " she replied, leaning her head back against the wall behind her, "and I hate it."

He slipped his glasses back on and took a sip from the fresh cup in hand. "Well... I hate to say it, Juli, but... I think that was something we both needed."

Kidman mused his words over and watched him for a few seconds- admiring the semi-rejuvinated look in his eyes. "Are we talking about the laughing, or the imagery?" she pressed, causing him to almost choke on his coffee; she briefly grinned at the reaction before she sipped at her drink. "Gotcha."

"You're a cruel woman."

"So I've heard."

...

She hadn't noticed it until now, watching as he wiped the slight mess of coffee from his lips, but he wasn't wearing his signature gloves.

He very rarely showed off his hands- although it seemed irrelevant considering there didn't seem to be much on them to hide; it wasn't like he was concealing some kind of dark secret or anything of that sort. They were just a pair of normal hands that had some small, faint scars on them- but then again, whose hands didn't? She herself had some knotted tissue from childhood roughhousing... and once when she was determined that barbed wire couldn't hurt nearly as bad as everyone claimed it did.

And it didn't really hurt as badly as everyone else had portrayed it, at least, in her experience it didn't.

But it did still hurt like a bitch.

Without really thinking, Kidman reached over and took him by the hand before she pulled it towards her- examining the healing wounds on his palm. Of the three of them, he was the more... careful and tedious one, and had walked out of STEM with only defensive wounds on his hands. He didn't have any bloodied knuckles, or ripped skin or torn fingernails from scuffles with the Haunted.

The doctors said the cuts on his palms were likely from the broken glass found inside of the car, and on the ground outside.

When in actuality, they were from the few Haunted that couldn't be avoided, or snuck past; and their weapon of choice had either been a shard of broken glass, or a rusted knife. His quiet nature had allowed him to sneak past the Haunted without being seen or even heard- and it was with this trait that he allowed him to avoid any major damages to his hands.

...

Meanwhile, on the other end of the spectrum, her hands had seen better days.

She had one broken knuckle, while the rest were pretty bruised and skinned up. She had tried to go out of her way to avoid the Haunted when she could, but... she wasn't necessarily good at sneaking around. While she could make a fast getaway and get into places the Haunted couldn't, there were still a few times she had been grabbed and had been forced to wrestle and punch her way out of a tight grip.

One of the Haunted had even managed to bite her during one of the struggles.

She could still remember the sound of her skin being punctured by rotted teeth, and had barely gotten loose before the thing could rip part of her hand off.

... And then there were Sebastian's hands, which looked as though they had had every inch of skin ripped off of them.

Kidman had seen him fight once or twice- and at one point, Sebastian had grabbed a Haunted solely by the barbed wire around its head and had thrown the creature aside like it was nothing. It was like he wasn't afraid to put himself into immediate danger if it meant keeping someone else safe.

Still... she wasn't sure how he was able to hold his gun so steadily when it looked like his hands had been put through a meat grinder- or how he even managed to hold a gun at all.

...

Thinking back on it now, Kidman wondered if the barbed wire had really even hurt him. Did Sebastian even feel pain from it?

"Is there something you want to talk about?" Joseph spoke.

Kidman stirred back into the present at the question, and looked to where her fingers had lightly intertwined with his. And for some reason or another, he had returned the gesture- lightly holding his palm against hers.

Normally she would've felt content and happy with him holding her hand, but... she didn't get that feeling now.

All she got was a storm of turmoil in her gut.

A feeling of cold in her fingertips.

She gently squeezed his hand once, holding it for a few short seconds to savor the presence of it against hers... before she let him go.

"I hope you never regret me," Kidman started, keeping her voice low as she moved her fingers through her still damp hair- pulling it out of her face. "I know it's a lot to ask, and I can't ask you to do something that's not possible for you to do, but... don't ever think of me as a mistake."

...

Joseph said nothing.

And Kidman wondered if the painful knot in her gut was even a fraction of what he had felt with their last conversation- when she had been the one to leave in silence. She deserved it; she wasn't naive or arrogant enough to believe otherwise.

Still...

Even a simple 'no' would be better than this.

She heard him give a quiet sigh and watched as he leaned his head back against the wall- closing his eyes as he did so. It was odd to notice how much older he looked in this moment- she could practically count the different wrinkles that had collected on the corners of his eyes. Just moments ago, he had seemed so young and energized- so willingly alive.

But here, right now... it didn't even look like he had the energy to stand up, or even keep himself awake for much longer.

"Things are just... really complicated right now," Joseph finally spoke; his hands distracting themselves with the coffee cup in his grasp. "We're all having a hard enough time trying to deal with what happened, and... deal with our own problems stemming from it." he took a slight pause as though regretting his word choice there. "But I..." he stopped again and seemed to be considering his next words carefully.

Kidman felt that pit in her stomach rip open at the silence.

She didn't know what he was going to say next, but... she almost hoped that he wouldn't finish the thought.

"I'm just not ready to give up on you."


	3. 42 Days

Kidman's heart was partially in her throat as she tried not to look rushed when she made her way out of the aged apartment building; she nearly bruised her shoulder when the front doors didn't budge the first time she pushed on them. The barely renovated parking lot was filled with cop cars, and there were still more of them pulling in from the street. She didn't think the call they had taken that morning was all that bad, but obviously... she was proven wrong.

She could feel rocks churning in her stomach at the sound of her heels clicking too loudly against the pavement.

With all the potential extra pairs of eyes watching her, she still couldn't go running across the parking lot. She could only hope that Joseph could hear her following after him, and at least have the decency to slow down- or even better, stop.

But seeing as he had already rounded the corner of the building, she had high doubts about that.

...

Their first official day back on the job... and shit just had to hit the fan for them.

"Joseph," Kidman called out for him- to no avail it would seem, "I know you can hear me."

She tried to keep her voice low enough so that the newly responding officers wouldn't hear her, but loud enough so that he would. Not that it seemed to matter, considering that he had yet to show any signs of hearing her- let alone respond to her.

It was an agonizing wait as she forced herself to keep paced.

As soon as she hit the corner of the building though, she ran after him. Or at least as fast as her heels would allow, which was still pretty damn fast.

Faster than Joseph was expecting maybe, because when he finally did turn around to see her, she nearly ran into him instead.

She tried to ignore the way he instinctively stepped away from her when she tried to reach out for him.

"Come on, it's fine," Kidman whispered, keeping her tone assuring as she dropped her attempt to touch him, "just... talk to me, okay? You can talk to me."

"You saw what happened in there," Joseph started, his voice coming out in a mix of exasperation, and fear. There was just the slightest of tremors in his words- just enough to pick up on, but still hold the potential to be overlooked. "Why would I... I wasn't even thinking. It was like- like some kind of involuntary movement. I couldn't control myself- I wasn't _in_ control of myself."

She tried not to show any facial reaction to his words, but... they still felt like a punch to the gut for her.

...

After nearly a month and a half away from any serious work, it was almost exciting to get back into the field- to get back into the action. Of course, they were all a little more careful, a little more weary of what they were doing- more cautious to who they were getting involved with now. But the first call they got that morning was about some kind of crime scene in the north apartments- nothing too serious.

So, needless to say, they were with the first patrol that went out.

It was an obvious scene of violence; Sebastian was the first one to call it a drug trade gone bad.

And he was right.

Especially since the seller showed up while they were in the middle of investigating the apartment- _his_ apartment.

The guy blew all hell and started yelling- and then he decided to charge.

Kidman wasn't exactly sure what was going on inside of the guy's head, but she supposed to the unknown eye they didn't exactly look like Detectives. Hell, they didn't even look like cops, so he might've thought they were breaking into his place for something to steal- maybe heard about the deal that went wrong. And while they did have two uniformed officers with them, the men later admitted that they weren't exactly watching the door when the guy barged in.

Either way, the guy came at them swinging, and since Joseph was the closest to the door, the guy went for him first.

And what happened next was... still kind of a blur.

Joseph managed to dodge the first swing, and caught the guy by his flailing wrist to prevent another attempted punch.

And then he caught the guy by the throat next.

She vaguely remembered the look of surprise on the guy's face, and the hollow look on Joseph's, before her partner used the guy's momentum against him and threw him hard into the floor. It knocked the air clean out of the guy, and left him wheezing as he clutched at his now reddened throat.

She didn't know exactly when she did it, but when the scene came to a stop, Kidman found her fingers touching at her own neck; and suddenly she remembered that same feeling of the air getting knocked out of her, of the ringing in her head as it was smashed into the floor. Of his hand wrapped so tightly around her neck she couldn't breathe, as bruises formed all too easily underneath his fingers.

And considering that she heard the sharp inhale Sebastian took somewhere behind her, she had no doubts that he was remembering the same things.

...

Joseph didn't even look at them, and she couldn't say she blamed him.

He was out the door before the officers even had the guy in handcuffs.

For what it was worth, he remained calm over the whole thing- or at least he gave off the persona that he was calm. Which was good, because... she didn't think she could've handled him having a breakdown right then and there- not that one wouldn't be warranted.

"It's fine," Kidman started, tempting fate as she moved one hand to brush against his arm. "It was... you were just protecting yourself-"

"I'm not sure if I was, Juli," he interrupted, "it sure as hell didn't feel like it." his voice broke with a brief sigh as he moved his hands to cup the sides of his neck. "I thought I was getting better with this- that I was slowly going to be able to put this whole thing behind me, at least enough to function again. But I can't... I can't risk something like this happening a second time; I can't risk accidentally _killing_ the next guy."

"You're not going to," she objected.

"You can't keep denying the possibilities of it happening, and then just assume that it's going to help," Joseph briefly snapped, as he brushed her hand aside. "I can't think like that. Believe me, I would love to think that this was a one-time thing, that there's no possibility of it happening again... but I can't; I can't afford to do that. If I'm not in complete control of all of my actions, then... _this_ happens; I do something that is going to get either myself, or someone else hurt- or killed for all I know."

...

She knew he had a point.

And she knew there was little else she could say to help him get past it.

He would have to do that on his own... which was the hard part to deal with.

Joseph had every right to be upset- it was clearly justified, but... Christ, she hated feeling helpless. Ever since STEM, it just felt like she was nothing more than a burden on him- unable to do much, if anything, to ease his struggling.

Sighing, Kidman moved both of her hands to his shoulders- despite his two defensive objections to her touch. She wasn't exactly sure why she kept doing it; maybe it was some bullshit way of getting a hold of him. Since she couldn't do that mentally or emotionally, she had to go the easy route of physically holding him. "It was one slip- one accident," she reminded, "you need to stop writing yourself off so quickly. I know you're worried, and I know it's important for you to keep yourself in check, but... you had your hands on him for ten seconds at best- and it _was_ out of self-defense. You can't overreact like this- it's this that's going to make you lose your grip." she paused slightly, realizing he had yet to brush her off again, and decided to press her luck as she moved to cup her hands against his jaw. "I don't know what's going on inside of that head of yours, alright? I wish I did, then again I'm sure you do too, and... I wish there was a way for me to help you that didn't involve potentially decking you in the face."

...

Maybe it was the sudden absurdity of her remark, but she heard him give a brief laugh in response.

And it was good to see his face light up again- even if only for a moment.

"I'd much prefer if you didn't," Joseph started, "I know how hard you hit."

... Right.

Back in STEM, she had fought tooth and nail for her life- even if it was against him. And every time he put his hands around her neck, she did whatever she could to get loose; which might've included breaking his nose and busting his lip one too many times.

In fact, Kidman was pretty certain the scar he had left over on his lower lip was from her.

But, she had to admit, she was surprised he remembered all of it.

"Good, then you know I mean business," she replied, "are you... you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, I think so," Joseph answered, sounding a little less certain than she would've liked. He always bounced back pretty quick after something like this, but as of lately, it was almost... scary how quickly he could do it. But he was good at keeping up a persona, and she could see how he wouldn't want an outbreak like this to affect his career- or his professionalism. She just wished there was a healthier way for him to deal with this that didn't involve having to bottle everything up.

But if this was how he wanted to cope... she couldn't stand in his way.

Kidman offered a trying smile, before she leaned in and brushed her lips against his- feeling the warmth of the soft exhale that left him. She felt his hands hesitate before they moved to her shoulders, grasping them at first, before he gently pushed her away.

"Despite... what just happened," he started, "we're still on the department's time."

She made a brief scoffing noise, which drew an amused look from him- one she was certain he had been waiting to use. But he wasn't wrong; he never was. She patted her hands against his cheeks before she dropped them away. "Right you are, Officer Killjoy."

" _Detective_ Killjoy."

Kidman rolled her eyes, and watched as he smoothed out his collar and briefly re-adjusted his tie. "Come on, let's head back inside," she ushered, "not sure why so many people showed up, but... I don't want to leave Sebastian to deal with them. Who knows what will happen."

"Nothing good, I can tell you that," Joseph replied, before he followed her as they made their way back around the building and headed inside.

They paused just long enough to watch three officers haul the would-be assailant out of the building and wrestle him into the backseat of one of the cars. And considering the amount of obscenities that were coming from him... Kidman certainly wasn't bothered by Joseph throwing the guy to the ground anymore.

They headed back up the stairs to the third floor and watched as new crime scene tape was rolled out, and noted that the Forensics team was standing off to the side- waiting. The hallways felt too narrow for this many officers to be standing around, but Kidman supposed they now had enough of a warrant to search the building.

It took them awhile to find Sebastian in the mess, but all they had to look for was the tallest man in the room, and for the burning end of a lit cigarette.

"We miss anything?" she asked, as they briefly regrouped in one of the tight, conjoining hallways, just next to the fire escape.

"Not much," Sebastian answered, giving them a brief shrug with the response. "We had a second suspect show up and walk into the room after hearing the commotion the first guy gave. He bolted as soon as he realized what was going on, but we managed to nail him in the staircase, and haul his ass out first. Figured he was in on the whole thing, so we decided to check his apartment as well."

"Let me guess, he was hiding something too," Joseph spoke, as he tugged on the cuff of his glove. "And I'll take a wild stab here, and say illegal guns."

"Ten of them without licenses- and four of them have potentially been stolen," Sebastian replied.

"Well, drugs and guns do go hand in hand."

Kidman gave a sigh and crossed her arms at the news. "This fucking city sometimes," she muttered, turning slightly to watch as another unit arrived and squeezed on through the crowd. "Are we doing a sweep of the building?"

"Just this floor," Sebastian answered. "The second guy made some wild claims that his neighbor had been stealing his guns, so we're working on getting the key from the landlord. The neighbor's not home right now, but we're bracing ourselves for a third tantrum."

Well... this case was turning out to be bigger and bigger than she had expected.

Just how many more drug dealers and gun thieves would show up before this day was over with?

And they all just happened to be living in the same building? What a fucking coincidence.

"I gotta admit, not a bad haul for the first day back," Kidman remarked. "It's going to be a hellva report to turn in though."

"You're telling me," Sebastian muttered, blowing out a cloud of smoke as he watched the Forensics team finally get to move in on the crime scene. "Look, we've got way too many fucking people in this building, why don't you two head back to the office and get a start on this report? By the time this is over with, we'll probably have two or three more people in custody- might as well start getting the reports out of the way while we can."

The offer wasn't a bad one- even Kidman had to admit that the building was starting to get a little uncomfortable. And especially after what had just happened... she was pretty certain Joseph wanted out of here just as much- and Sebastian knew that. As much as the older man had somewhat... shut down after everything that had happened regarding STEM and Beacon, he was still looking out for them. "You think you can handle this by yourself?" Kidman asked.

"I know I can," he retorted.

"Alright then, since you offered," she replied, "- don't hesitate to call for back-up though."

"I've been in worse situations."

...

That he had.

And true to his nature... Sebastian was getting them out of one as well- at his own risk. As usual.

There couldn't have been more of a relief as they stepped out of the crowded apartment building and into the parking lot once more. Some of the squad cars had left by now, but there were still plenty taking up the lot; not to mention a few officers who were wandering about aimlessly it seemed- no doubt knowing that it was too crowded inside for them to be of much help.

And Kidman was glad as hell to get out of there.

Even if it meant they'd just be going back to the office to do paperwork- at least it was quiet. And for Joseph's sake, it would give him a secured, established environment to calm down and... get himself back into order.

Kidman watched as Joseph pulled the keys from his pocket and unlocked the squad car they had all piled into that morning. He was a safe, attentive driver, which was nice to have and all, but... the drive out to the scene this morning really made her miss Connolly and his erratic conversations. She didn't think he had affected her much in any way, and yet... here she was already dealing with that pit in her stomach again.

"So let me get this straight," Kidman started, as Joseph pulled the car out of the parking lot and onto the empty street. "Sebastian can smoke while on the job, but I can't kiss you? At the very least, a kiss isn't going to kill you in the long run."

"It could."

She made a brief scoffing noise and rolled her eyes at him, hearing him chuckle quietly in response. "Why did I ever want to make amends with you?"

"Because you owe me," Joseph reminded, "and you happen to find my personality very attractive."

"It's not your personality."

...

When Joseph had told her before that he wasn't ready to give up on her... Kidman tried not to put much into the words. She tried not to let them get to her, to not let them get ahead of her while she was vulnerable. In her experience, people said things when they were scared, and... once they had themselves put back together, it could be a whole different story.

And suddenly those words didn't mean shit.

So she tried not to act on them, tried to just... let him figure himself out, and once that was done, she would see where she stood. Sure, she had high hopes that maybe it would work out just this one time, but she wasn't stupid; she wasn't going to ignore her experience and pretend the world was a good place. And that things always turn out for the best for everyone.

But Joseph had a habit of proving her wrong- and she was beginning to think that he liked doing so.

They picked up the pieces and took it slow.

They tried to just... start over from the beginning, but even doing that much was difficult- not in the way they expected though. They kept up on open communication, and gave each other much needed space- which in their conditions, mostly his, was an absolute necessity some times. But every now and then she'd wake up in the middle of the night to find the two of them tangled together in bed. She never was one for cuddling, and neither was he, but on rare occasions they liked to break that mold.

Kidman found herself rather enjoying the comfort- in moderation, of course.

It would've been easier if they could just... forget about what had happened- forget about STEM all together.

But that was near impossible; it was integrated into all of them.

"Do you still need to stop by your place after work?" Joseph questioned, as he just now pulled back into the precinct parking lot.

Kidman mused the question over.

While she was hesitant to say that they had moved in together... she hadn't been back at her own apartment since the whole mess with Beacon and STEM; she only went back long enough to grab clean clothes and some various knick-knacks she might need. Other than that though, she couldn't say that she really remembered what her place looked like anymore.

It had been such a pleasure to get her own place after years of never really having a home, and yet... here she was, trying to get forget about it now.

"Yeah, I still need to get a few more things," she replied, watching as he pulled the car around to the back of the building. At this point, she would've preferred to stop beating around the bush and just throw all her furniture into storage and cut her lease short. But as appealing as that offer was- she wasn't stupid.

She knew Mobius was still keeping tabs on her. And even if she wasn't back at her apartment every night, that didn't mean they weren't still keeping watch. She knew the apartment had been bugged from the start, but she was desperate, so it didn't bother her back then... It did now though. And she wasn't going to risk cutting cords when Mobius still had the noose around her neck.

...

And Joseph knew that- and she was glad that he understood it.

"You already got your laptop, and your heels, what more do you need to get?" he asked- although the light-heartedness of his tone implied that he was teasing her, and just trying to lighten up the topic.

"All those delightful family photo albums that I have," Kidman retorted, before she continued. "I just forgot a few things, that's all- like my jacket, and my passport."

"Not a bad thing to have if you plan on leaving the country."

"Well, you know me, always gotta be ready to run when I can."

And as she suspected, or rather knew at this point, as soon as they made it back into their wing of the building, Joseph practically locked himself in his office. He just needed an hour, or two to calm himself down and go through the steps of what had happened so that he could avoid it next time. It was... difficult to see him so hard on himself, but she knew that STEM hadn't been kind to him- both during their stay and after their release. There were still days where it was like Hell for him, so she couldn't blame him for relaying on his own methods to keep calm and get himself back under control.

She trusted him, and she knew he wasn't reckless enough to try anything dangerous.

He just needed time.

They all did.

She was just glad that he was okay with, maybe even relieved, to have her along for the ride.

...

...

It was well after dark before they got off work- almost one in the morning.

Kidman guessed it was just a coping mechanism for Joseph to drown himself in work until he was too mentally exhausted to do much else. But hey, there were worst coping mechanisms to go about, and this was... one of the more harmless ones. And she stuck around to make sure he got home okay.

Sebastian had stepped out around eleven, and she didn't blame him.

He didn't leave the crime scene until eight- and he ended up putting an additional three people behind bars, which was impressive; he deserved the rest of the night off.

And, as planned, Joseph drove her back to her apartment. She didn't like either him or Sebastian being near it, afraid that Mobius might jump from the shadows to snag them, but she was at just as much risk as far as they were concerned. And it wasn't like Mobius would have much of a use for them anyways.

Still, she made Joseph stay in the car.

Kidman hurried up the outdoor flight of stairs to the second floor of the building- struggling to get her keys out of her pocket the entire time. Her hand was still warm from holding Joseph's the entire car ride over- much to his mocking dismay of her keeping him from having both hands on the steering wheel.

Fumbling for the lock, she managed to get the doorknob twisted just right before the door sprang open.

She really needed to tell her landlord about the door sticking, but... at this point, she didn't really care.

Flipping on the lights, Kidman immediately grabbed at her spare jacket hanging from the coat rack next to the door, before she headed towards her bedroom. Her passport was a bit trickier- considering that she didn't remember exactly where she had put it. Was it in her dresser drawer, or shoved somewhere under the couch?

Walking into her bedroom, she had forgotten how small it was compared to Joseph's, and how... unfurnished it was as well. She was either an unknowing minimalist, or... she just never actually got around to furnishing the place. She had gotten too scared, or too paranoid that the dream of it all would end before she could really get invested in it.

But Kidman stopped halfway towards her dresser as she noticed something out of place.

...

There was an envelope sitting on her neatly-made bed, which she knew for a fact that she didn't do herself.

...

Part of her wanted to run, wanted to just grab her passport and pretend she never saw the envelope.

But she knew she couldn't.

She had been expecting a phone call, a message of some sort... she supposed she just never anticipated it being a letter.

Everything inside of her felt like it was turning over, knitting knots inside of her stomach.

Swallowing with some difficulty, Kidman walked over and plucked the envelope from her bed- absentmindedly tossing her jacket aside. It felt like a brick in her hands as she continued to stare at the unmarked envelope, almost trying to convince herself that it could've come from someone else. But there was no one else who could get into this place, no one else who would care enough to leave a message behind.

...

She had been dreading this day; she knew it was coming, but she just... she had hoped she would've had a little more time before it did.

Then again, nearly two months later... maybe that was enough of a wait for Mobius.

Kidman knew what she was getting herself into from the start; she knew that she would just end up hurting everyone in the end. So there was no point in her delaying the inevitable; she had this coming.

The envelope wasn't even sealed, which only made it easier for her to pull out the folded letter tucked away inside.

And there was only one thing to read on the neatly, printed letter:

_'TERMINATED'_

...

That was it- that was all it said...

Her hands were shaking as she read the word over and over again, hearing herself say it out loud once or twice. She wasn't sure if she could truly believe it or not, or if this was just some kind of sick prank orchestrated by Mobius. They didn't leave behind loose ends, and she was, by all accounts, a loose end.

But maybe... just for now, they were letting her go.

Kidman didn't even pick her jacket back up, she forgot about her passport completely, as she hurried out of the apartment- barely locking it behind her.

Her legs were shaking hard enough she was certain that she was going to fall down the stairs instead- but by some miracle, she managed to make it back to the car without incident. She managed to make it back to the car without breathing it felt; her chest was in a tight knot, and she could almost hear the deep, shuddering breaths she did take.

"I thought you were getting your jacket and passport-" Joseph started, stopping when he seemed to notice her shaking. "Juli?"

She didn't know where it came from, but... somehow she heard herself start laughing.

Quiet, broken sounds of relief.

"Just... take me home, Joseph."


End file.
